527 words.
This is the 10th iteration of the very small experiment being run here, inspired by Visa’s 1000 word vomits. The length of the pieces written here have not yet matched the original 1000 words, but I figured it was more important to do 1000 things at 50%, than to do 10 at 100%. The achievement of being able to complete 10 of these vomits is minor compared to what others have attained, but is still something I’d like to celebrate.
So where am I now, 4 months after I stopped my regular writing routine? Trying to figure out what are meaningful accomplishments is a mess. They may not be accolades or awards, but just trying to point at one thing to say I’m proud of is taking a fair bit of attention.
The problem comes from some mismatch of values and interest between myself and the industry. The things that I enjoy doing are different from the ideal educator in the service. The past 4 months have been spent trying to reconcile that, and fit myself into the mold of the system.
(I can’t believe I’m writing in such a convoluted manner, even in this stream of consciousness. No matter, awareness is the first step of crafting a solution.)
Ok, mismatch of values. Then the path becomes clear, with three options available:
- I change my values
- The part of the industry I’m in somehow changes its values.
- I move to somewhere else to find a better value fit.
Even though I did not set out to discuss career prospects in this piece, still somehow drifted into. That’s indicative of what I have been spending my time thinking about these couple of weeks.
Back of the question of finding something I’m proud of. Not saying that this applies to everyone, but I am looking for some kind of change effected in people’s behaviour or in a system (e.g. a small process). This change doesn’t need to be permanent, but should have lasted a significant amount of time, and until it is replaced by something more effective. Trying to answer this question of ‘what makes me proud’ is rather disquieting. Looking back further at what I have done as a student and a volunteers and attempting to map that frame onto them.
It doesn’t mean that the success is not worth celebrating. We need to celebrate our successes more often, otherwise there is very little joy from doing what we do. One can claim that joy comes when we choose our ideal work, but how many people have the luxury of that? Let’s add more joy to others’ lives from time to time, by validating what they have done. Even more so if we can attach meaning to it.
The question of ‘where am I going’ still remains unanswered. There is a utility of clarification (again with the convoluted expressions) from writing this piece. I also need to recognise there’s no rush to find an answer now.
Things to continue: Reflecting on the meaningfulness of our work, and celebrating whatever small wins that we take.